LEAVING FOR COLLEGE

It is time for your son or daughter to leave for college - how are you handling the adjustment?

August marks the transitional period of young adults returning to college. For many parents this marks the developmental stage of “letting go”. What appears to be an easy task, actually can be a difficult period for parents and students alike. You may have thought that you'd be thrilled when you faced this transition, but you may find yourself struggling with empty-nest syndrome or feelings of loss and grief.

Many parents have concerns about the independent living situation. Fears rise concerning a student's transition to dorm life, financial responsibility, or perhaps attending classes on a regular basis. Parents expect their young adult to care for their own physical health and increasingly we are hearing about college students' rampant drinking, students who report having periods of severe depression, and an increase in the percentage of college-aged women and men who report having eating disorders.

There are some important things that you can do in this last month before you son or daughter leaves for college.

Make a point to find some quality time to spend together in this last month. Go out to dinner, or take a walk on the Rock Island Trail. Do something fun together individually and as a family unit. Realize that it is a natural transition that you have been anticipating since birth. Discuss this transition with your partner and open conversation surrounding the issue of empty-nest life. Start to discuss a plan for the future. Discuss basic issues such as finances and budget. Take time to teach your student the keys to successful time management and the importance of attending classes. Have an open conversation about some of the common difficulties that your student might experience (roommate problems, difficult professors, late hours) and brainstorm some possible solutions to these concerns.

Openly discuss normal emotions of grief, loss, anxiety, and excitement. It is important that your son or daughter knows how you feel at this period of transition, and hopefully it will open the door for their expression of inner emotions to you. Without normalizing the feelings of great loss and guilt many parents and students feel when they are separated, discuss the opportunities that are available for the entire family. This is a transition for everyone. It is important that your student realize that you see this time as an opportunity for your own growth, and that everyone will prosper from this experience.

Don't forget to tell your son or daughter how much you believe in them. Reinforce that you trust them and are there for them even though you will be miles apart. Remember to tell them you love them and make time for writing a 'good-bye' note that they can keep at college.

But parents of college freshman are not the only ones who might notice changes in their student. Here's some recent research about changes in upperclassman:

• Sophomore year: Students may feel apathetic, alienated and sadness. This is the year that many students move away from high school friendships and hometown honeys. On a positive note, families become more adjusted to the change of college life.
  
• Junior year: There is an increaqsed seriousness about college and a realistic assessment of abilieites and talents. Social time becomes more precious, and many students are searching for more permanent friends and serious dating occurs.
  
• Senior year: This is a time met with nostalgia and realistic planning is the primary task for students. This may be a time for high anxiety, as well as sadness for the ending of college fun and excitement. This is the time for a transition of a richer relationship between parents and their adult student.